I can’t do this anymore. It’s fucking eating me alive and it’s ALL I think about it. I need to stop and think about what I need to do as a big brother and a “teacher”. Months ago when I was going through depression, it never stopped. I wish things ended up differently, that I didnt make that mistake. Would I be really happy and my life would be better? I have to stop thinking about it there’s nothing I can do. Really fucking sucks and makes me hate myself for it.
dying is the least of my worries.
Yeah im trying to learn and grow from them but its a constant happening. In reality..right now I dont care about anything but anything that has to do with the fire dept. Im depressed, im smiling and laughing but i dont feel it. Anyway im trying..
You don’t sayyyyyyyy -.-
Yeah i know but they wont put me through surgery unless im about to pop. :(
Fire academy cut short for me..medic of buckley told ee to go the ER for my appendix. :( fuckk i dont want to i want to stay. This is hell right here. Fire service makes me happy even though were only folding salvage covers. Wearing my PPE is my happiness, love, compassion. This fucking blows!